Grumpy.

Whoops. I just went out for a break and spent entirely too much money.

I brought a dress for tomorrow night, and a new coat, a couple of pairs of tights, a pair of ultra cute knee high socks that tie up with ribbons, and a clutch bag.

Shannon’s Imaginary Therapist: I’m sure you wanted all of those things, but did you need  them?

Shannon: Uh. No.

Imaginary Therapist: Why did you buy them then? Did they make you feel better?

Shannon: I don’t know.

Imaginary Therapist: Could it be possible you’re trying to fill the empty spot in your life with material things?

Shannon: I guess.

Imaginary Therapist: You have been a bit crazy on the shopping lately. Perhaps you need to start restricting your access to money when you’re not feeling so great. What do you think?

Shannon: Yeah. Whatever.

Imaginary Therapist: What is with you today?! Talk about sullen. Do you realise that I’m not getting paid for this gig? What the hell is with the nasty attitude?

Shannon: Geeze, you go on one unscheduled shopping trip… I’m allowed to be shitty sometimes. It’s not like I’ve punched anyone yet so it’s not harming anyone. I’m grumpy. DEAL WITH IT.

Imaginary Therapist: Fine! [slams door]

Shannon: Fine! [slams door]

It’s official. I am grumpy. Also just a teensy little bit  irrational. The flatties are going out for a drink with Ben tonight, and I’m feeling all weird and abandoned about it even though I know better.

Les Mills: not quite as terrifying as I first thought.

So last night I went to my new gym for the first time. I forgot my membership card so I had to go introduce myself to the lovely gay man behind the desk. He called me sweetie, which made me feel young again, and gave me directions to studio one. All of a sudden this new gym thing wasn’t very scary.

I went to a Body Attack class, which was lots of running and cardio stuff. I’m not really fit, but I managed to finish the class, although my calves felt like dead weights.

Class was HUGE. And the studio was HUGE. I didn’t feel like a dork at all, because there were just so many other people there. You know they can’t ALL be looking at you.

Afterwards I stuck around to do the 7.15pm Body Balance class. It was really REALLY nice to have the option to stay later and do another class, that one was pretty much the sole reason I decided to quit Configure.

I’ll admit that I felt like a big dork doing Body Balance. It’s all ballet and yoga and pilates like. There were big burly guys there with more grace than me. I’m not really what you’d call graceful when working out, mostly I’m just sweaty.

Looking at the timetable, and the times I’m available, I’m pretty spoilt for choice on the classes I can do. Weekends are going to be an issue though. I have two whole days free, and roughly 8 classes I want to do. If I’m not careful I’ll spend my entire weekend hanging out at the gym.

Right before I left I weighed myself in the changing room, and the scales said that I weigh 3kgs less than what I thought I did. I don’t believe that they’re entirely correct, but I was all ‘oh you sweet, sweet gym. Me and you are going to be good friends.’

Then, when I got home, I ate a hotdog in the bath while watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on my laptop. I’m all kinds of classy.

So In short: The gym isn’t too scary.

Also: Does anyone want to come hold my hand for the 6pm boxing class tonight? Aparantly I can take anyone with me for a free workout, and I really don’t want to do it alone. What if I pass out and have no one to put me into recovery position?

Yellow

As of last night I am a yellow belt. Wo!

Whereas white belt is representative of being new to TKD and innocent, yellow belt is representative of being corrupted. I’m joking! It’s supposed to symbolise the earth in which a plant sprouts and takes root. Apparently that plant grows into a Taekwon Do tree, and is anyone getting an image of the whomping willow from Harry Potter? No? Just me?

I learnt the steps for my new pattern last night. It’s called Dan-Gun which both Jo and Min (who both speak Korean) assure me means carrot. Or it’s the name of the legendary founder of Korea in the year 2333 BC. Whatever. Either way it’s very pretty, and it has some fun blocks that I’ve never done before.

Tonight I’m going to the new gym for the first time… I expect to spend roughly an hour hanging shyly at the back of a group class, being thoroughly intimidated. Wish me luck. Things I forgot: My favorite pair of gym pants, my membership card, my drink bottle, my good pair of running shoes, a clean pair of socks, shower stuff.

If I ever manage to leave the house in the morning with everything I need for the day I’ll be sure to let you know.

Also: this morning, as I was leaving, season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer arrived (don’t laugh at me I know I’m a dork.) You have no idea how difficult it was for me to leave the house. I was so very tempted to call in sick and spend the day napping, writing my reserach essay, and bingeing on buffy.

Camp.

So camp was fun. I managed to get in touch with the people who gave me a lift, and so I didn’t have to hitchhike!

Friday night we moved into our rooms, and had a training session and a power cut. I really lucked out on my room assignment - I got one of the only rooms without kids in it. We didn’t have a working heater, but I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. It was my retreat every time the screaming and the boundless energy of the younger campers got to me.

Fridays training started with trust exercises- most of which I was fairly uncomfortable with. Why couldn’t trust exercises involve less carrying of me by people half my size? I don’t mind doing the carrying… I trust that I’m not going to drop them, and they trust that I’m not going to too. See? Trust.

Anyway, the rest of the session went well, we split up into our belt groups and ran through grading stuff. Halfway through there was a black out, and being the big badass people we are, we just carried on training (although being a little more careful not to kill the person in front of us.)

On Saturday we were all up bright an early (thanks to the younger members internal alarm clocks…) Grading was held in the morning, and then we had three afternoon sessions.

Grading was huge, I really didn’t expect to see so many people there. White belts and yellow strips easily made up half the number of people there. Grading was a bit scary, but I think I did OK. Also Dad and Lisa come to watch which was nice. There were a few mistakes, hopefully nothing too awful, I believe I find out the results tonight. After us lower ranks were out of the way stuff began to get interesting, as the higher ranks carried on.

The afternoon sessions were pretty amazing. We did a training session Where we were taken through a whole bunch of leg and kicking drills. By the time we were done I was in pain, so that’s pretty much my definition of a good workout - even considering how very poorly I did! We also had a session on sparring drills which was interesting, I learnt quite a bit about sparring - mostly I learnt that I’m not quick enough to step around a side kick…

Sunday morning we were all up at 6.30 for a run. Because it had been raining pretty much the whole weekend the ground was wet and unpleasant, and I was tired and unpleasant, and yesterdays leg excercises had made my butt and calves pretty unpleasant. I was in for a really nice surprise when we only had a five minute run, just enough to loosen up all the muscles, before doing a quick workout in a field full of sheep shit.

Sunday was solid training, and lots of hard work. Over the weekend I’ve found roughly 20 things that I need to work on immediately, and that number is only small because after a certain point you stop counting, and start hoping that you’re going to be able to finish the set of excercises you’re working on.

On arriving home I found a multitude of bruises that I cannot explain. Like the spectacular one over the last two knuckles of my right hand. What did I do to bruise those so badly? I’d better not have punched anything with them because I know better than that.

Despite the crazy bruises, the screaming kids, and the pain I’m experiancing today, I found this weekend really worthwhile. I’ve come away wth a lot ot work on, and a perspective of how far Taekwon Do can actually go, and how much you can get out of it.  

There are some very fit, very highly trained, and very scary people out there. And most of them snore.

Stress and camping. They go together like bacon and eggs.

Ugh. Life has been pretty stressful lately in these parts, partially because of the break up, and partially because of all the stress.

And by all the stress I am of course talking about uni. Couldn’t they just invent a way of zapping you full of information? Rather than the never ending cycle of lecture, essay, cram, test, lecture?

Speaking of tests though, I had my New Zealand and the World (International relations) test yesterday, and I think I did ok. It helps that I’m genuinely interested in the material.

My essay is going well. I’m nearly done. I estimate that I’ll only need another can of energy drink and three hours to have something reasonably polished and worthy of at least  a B-. However if I thought standing in front of my lecturer and crying would get me out of having to write the damn thing in the first place then I would have totally done that three weeks ago. Forget pride, there is no such thing as pride when you’re talking about the theory behind public sector reforms.

Taekwon Do camp begins tonight. I had to come to work on the bus this morning with a giant overnight bag, and a pillow and a sleeping bag. Luckily I brought my over-stuffed backpack into town yesterday.

Essentially, for me,  those three bags should just maybe  be enough for three days, and two nights.

I am pretty bad at packing generally. This time I’ve managed to be both over packed and underpacked. It’s three nights out at a camp, so it’s bound to be freezing, and I’m bound to want an duvet, an electric blanket, and an extra woolen jersy, BUT it’s a camp all about running around and being sweaty, and I’ve only got two TKD regulation doboks, and a limited number of sweaty clothes changes.

So there you go. I have too much stuff, and not enough stuff.

Also? I may or may not have a lift. I totally forgot to get my lifts phone number, so I ended up having to send an email today and hoping I’d picked the right Jo out of a very long list of people. I’m now hoping that I’ve picked the right Jo, and she’s planning on checking her email today!

Alright. Essay time. I’m going to whip this bad boy into shape! Right after a nap and a cup of tea.

Shannon’s 2000 word essay so far.

Intro. Something fab, and snappy, and short. Or long. Whatever.

State sector reforms, talk about what they did. Public to private. Focus on outputs - expense of outcomes? Yes. Probably. Where the hell are my readings?

Talk about weaknesses… Decoupling, re-coupling. Public service ethos. Goal displacement.

What they’re doing to fix the weaknesses, and how very different this process is to the original reforms. Changes since 2000 have been described as piecemeal, and pragmatic (by someone.)

Conclude. Sentence about 1984 changes. This changed in 2000 as Public choice.. blah blah blah fell out of favor and the view of state sector reform moved to a more pessimistic approach, based on … (god I hope I can back this shit up).

Stunningly simple single sentence statement that wraps the whole thing up, and demonstrates my point irrefutably.

Bucket list.

So Teeni over here has tagged me to do a bucket list, just like the movie. The idea is that you come up with a list of eight things you want to accomplish before you die, then you post them, and do the tagging thing.

I’m not going to do the tagging thing, but I will post my list.

1. Own a very cute scooter.

This ones a two parter- not only do I have to own the scooter, but I also have to ride the scooter.

Once upon a time my Dad brought a scooter home (presumably from a yard sale somewhere) and convinced me to try riding it. It was a BIG thing.

Pretty much the whole family came out to witness the fun, and I was given the step brother’s badass motorbike helmet to wear and the whole shebang. It was a bit scary so I went REALLY SLOWLY, and turning was an issue - as in I wasn’t going fast enough, so I pretty much just twisted the handle bars and tipped over.

In essence: I failed at scooter riding. And then refused to get back on - because clearly I had so much coolness to spread around that I wanted to preserve some for later.

2. Complete an essay ahead of the due date.

I’m pretty sure I’ve done this one before. Like once. Maybe.

Currently I have an essay due (2000 words) on Friday. Last night I packed my bags for camp, rather than getting the first 500 words down on paper as planned. Today and tonight are going to be fun. I’m bored stupid with the question, and my mind couldn’t be further from study at the current time, but hey 2000 words on the state sector reforms in New Zealand of the late 1980’s by Friday… No problem.

3. Learn a foreign language.

Do you ever have those dreams where you’re a super awesome secret agent, and you’re infiltrating a foreign country to steal important stuff? And you have to convince the customs security guy at the airport that your totally forged and fake passport is real by speaking flawlessly to him in his own language? No? Just me?

Ok then. I want to speak a foreign language because it would make choosing holiday destinations easier.

4. Have a boring board games day with all the brothers.

Back in the day before Ryan joined the Navy, and Liam got a job, and got old, when I went home for the weekend we’d usually end up moping around the house playing monopoly or card games. It was boring, our butts would go numb from too long spent on the lounge floor, and at some point I would lose interest and start cheating.

Even so, hanging out at home doing nothing but play games was fun. And these days there are way more than just three of us to play, which would totally keep me interested in playing by the rules for at least another hour.

5. Ride more horses.

I’m totally serious. I don’t think I’ve ridden anywhere near as many horses as I need to in my life. That’s right - NEED. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

6. Paint my own house.

I own no house, and I have no prospects of owning my own house in the near future, but when I daydream about winning lotto the first thing on my list is to buy an old crappy house, and make it mine.

Note the use of ‘old crappy house’ my parents called them character houses, and they spent hours peeling off their awful wallpaper, knocking down walls, and then prettifying them up into something they could live with. The desire to involve myself in DIY renovations is in my genes I think.

7. Travel.

Everywhere. I want to see everything. So far I’ve seen a small corner of my own country, and a select few places in Australia, and that’s not nearly enough to satisfy my curiosity.

8. Work in a job I really love.

I want a job that fulfils and interests me. I want a job that makes use of my skills and talents, and teaches me things that I wouldn’t have opportunities to learn elsewhere.

Unfortunately when looking at a list of what I consider skills, I can’t really find anything fun that someone would pay me to do.

Also a lot of the stuff I know is piecemeal, do you know that saying about being a jack of all trades, but master of none? That’s how I feel sometimes. I know me some stuff, but I’ve never sat down to become really proficient and amazing at just one thing.

Lesson: almost learnt.

So. I dehydrate myself on a regular basis. At least once a week.

I think it’s because I’m naturally a bit scatty, and so when I’m running around in between work, and Uni, and the gym, and TKD, I sometimes forget to listen to what my body is saying. 

My body is quite expressive when it comes to needing water. I get headaches, ranging from the minor, to the massive. I get cranky, and snappy. I crave unusual things - like water! My balance, and my ability to focus goes to shit. In an extreme case, when I’m working out, I get light headed, then my vision gets spotty, and then, as I learnt today, I throw up, and/or get fainty.

Today I had all of these symptoms, but at no point did I think, huh… I’d probably better get a glass of water, or have one of those herbal teas that I’ve been raving about. 

After work and an afternoon full of uni classes I jumped on a bus and gapped it to farmers for a short round of speed shopping, then I caught another bus to my Taekwon Do class. 

We did lots of running around, and sit ups, and push ups, and repetitions of movements up and down the hall. I was fine right up until I wasn’t, and all of a sudden I recognized all of the symptoms that I’d put out of my mind earlier in the day.

It was a bit of an issue because I was spinning to do a backwards kick at the time, and I very nearly spun myself right into the ground. 

I took a ‘water’ break, and ran my wrists under cold water while chugging water for ten minutes in an effort not the faint. 

Then I excused myself early and bussed it home. The bus doesn’t go right to my door, and there is a small hill to climb to our driveway. I think that hill was the last straw for me. I managed to get inside before I proceeded to throw up everything I’d eaten since lunch time - which, actually turned out to be nothing, because, well, hello! Dork!

I swear I’m only going to have to go to TKD on an empty stomach, dehydrated a few more times to learn the lesson. 

 

Dear Shannon

IDIOT. How many times are we going to have to have this same fight before you learn that an empty water bottle is not the same as a full water bottle and an afternoon snack? I’m hoping this was the last time, because next time I’m totally going to faint in a public place, and every one is going to laugh.

Also: no more blocking kicks with your shins. It hurts like a motherf**ker, and black, blue, and green are so not my colours. 

Love,

Your Body

Commandments

Thou shalt watch too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer, whilst reclining on yon bed with yon giant tub of ice cream.

Thou shalt become reacquainted with ye alcoholic beverage, and partake muchly.

Thou shalt spend one weekend wearing thou favored pair of pajamas, boxing wraps, and boxing gloves. 

Thou shalt care little about personal hygiene, deeming showers to be for yon girls ‘who have boyfriends to smell nice for.’

On the seventh day thou shalt change thou sheets, shower, remove junk food wrappers from yon bed, and resume the wearing of deodorant. Thou friends and flatmates shalt breath a sigh of relief and you shalt know the gym again.

The supermarket was a bad idea.

Scene: Shannon enters the lounge where her two flatmates are chilling. Shannon looks slightly hysterical, and is carrying grocery bags that weigh more than she does.

Flatmate: That’s a lot of bags you’ve got there.

Shannon: I know. I knew going shopping was a stupid thing to do.

Flatmate:A bag of potatoes? What are you going to do with a bag of potatoes?

Shannon: I DON’T KNOW! I wanted comfort food. Essentially I spent $107.00 on a bag of potatoes, some chicken enchiladas, and a frozen pizza.

Flatmate 2: Why did you go shopping?

Shannon: Spending money always makes me feel better before it makes me feel worse. Oh. And you know how they have impulse buy chocolate bars and stuff lining the counter?

Flatmate: How many chocolate bars did you impulse buy?

Shannon: None. I impulse brought a lighter.

Flatmate: What?! What are you going to do with a lighter? You don’t smoke, and you don’t have incense or anything to light with it.

Shannon: I know I think that’s why it’s called an impulse buy.